Not Alone

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2016-02-22 by Object of Contempt

Although the problems in my marriage go well beyond sexual issues, they were the issue that was most noticeable in the beginning. And, when I finally began doing research to figure out what was wrong, this was where I started. We’re talking about the kind of problem that makes a man feel like he is completely unvalued. The obvious way is to consistently refuse sex. Another way is to engage in “gatekeeping”. This is a matter of controlling sex — frequency, activities, attitudes, intimacy — all of these can be restricted so that sex may happen, but the man still feels like dirt.

One of the few benefits to the fact that there are other men hurting out there is that it provides some corroboration of our own stories. We commonly go unbelieved, dismissed, or worse. But when a hurting husband sees others facing difficulties, it bolsters his faith in his own perception.

The link I want to share today is from Chris Taylor at
She specifically devotes her blog to encouraging women to pursue a healthy and vibrant sexual relationship with their husbands. This particular blog contains descriptions from husbands of how they feel living in a marriage with a wife who makes a habit of sexual refusal and gatekeeping.

Reading these descriptions not only let me know that I wasn’t alone, it also showed me that my emotional response wasn’t weird.

ForgivenWife – Your Husband’s Hurt


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