2016-04-15 by Object of Contempt
There is a ubiquitous perception that husbands abuse and wives are victims. Although some blogs and other web resources claim to know that husbands can also be victims, their statement is frequently accompanied by the advice that men should just mentally switch the pronouns as they read. It is frustrating lip-service. Some of those sites still largely consist of articles that display a bias against men, making them into the de facto target of anger and contempt. Reading the comments on such blogs reveals that the readers are not absorbing an even-handed outlook. Telling men to mentally substitute pronouns while reading isn’t effective, and frustrates those men most who are most in need of help.
In many cases an admission that men do suffer abuse by their wives is made completely useless because the blog asserts or assumes the common (but false) belief that those husbands are a negligible proportion of the problem. The popular statistic says 70% of domestic abuse victims are women, and it is perpetuated by frequent repetition despite research, analysis and examination that invalidate the statistic. The research shows that men and women perpetrate abuse at approximately the same rates.
And, to be clear, the research was mostly dealing with physical, violent abuse. What I’m concerned about on this blog is emotional and mental abuse. These are not less damaging forms of abuse. The non-physical types of abuse are generally agreed to be the most damaging. It is possible to find in a few scattered articles the suggestion that women possibly perpetrate much more non-physical abuse than men because cultural assumptions hide it under the guise of common feminine behavior. Such a statement could be true, but I am not aware of any research that supports or proves it. Regardless, it is only reasonable to believe that men comprise about half of all emotional abuse victims and are not just a negligible statistic.
While some strategies for manipulation and control are common regardless of gender, this doesn’t mean that some tactics aren’t favored by either male or female abusers. It also doesn’t mean that the same tactic is employed identically by men and women. Additionally, the way that various tactics impact men and women may be extremely different. The descriptions of abusive husbands are really not a match for accurate descriptions of abusive wives with pronouns changed.
This isn’t a matter of feeling forgotten and unimportant. There is a very practical aspect in the fact that men are often frustrated who are searching the web for validation, descriptions, and help for their actual situations. The search results they receive are dominated by web pages that are meant to help women. In the absence of results that address the man’s situation, Google also shows a bias, assuming the person was much more likely to need help escaping an abusive husband.
This post is here to provide links to credible information that will show men the truth. Hopefully the resources below will also be useful in showing to others to gain even a little bit of credibility. Some of these links (closer to the bottom) provide some validation by way of accounts by men with abusive wives.
Unfortunately, I can’t say these sites have a Biblical worldview at all, or even a consistent one. Some of the authors I’ve read are feminists, but they are disgusted about the disinformation campaign and have been honest about it.
The Surprizing Truth About Women and Violence
The Number of Male Domestic Abuse Victims Is Shockingly High
— So Why Don’t We Hear About Them?
Woman As Aggressor: The Unspoken Truth Of Domestic Violence
Men: The Overlooked Victims of Domestic Violence
Patriarchy and Wife Assault: The ecological fallacy
Domestic violence against men
Female Psychopaths – Are there more than we think?
Can Men Be Abused by Women?
In His Own Words: Living a Nightmare
Men Have Emotions, But Women Don’t Listen
How to Deal with a Borderline Woman
Look for more links to come in the future with a more immediate type of practicality.