Falling Apart — Need Prayer

7

2016-10-04 by Object of Contempt

I hate writing this kind of post. Sometimes I just need someone to listen, and that makes me feel like a selfish burden. But right now, I am at wit’s end.

I am being sued for back rent and being evicted. Family of seven, including the wife who covertly abuses me has lived in this home about 20 years. We lease the land it’s on, so the rent is low, and I can’t afford this. We homeschool our kids.

I’m feeling incredibly disabled and worthless with this (C)PTSD. I am working part-time, inconsistently, and not making nearly enough. Searching for work is incredibly painful. I have intense bouts with anxiety just trying to look at and edit my resume.

I’m not physically injured and it’s hard to say that I’m debilitated, but that’s what it feels and looks like. Of course that in itself is a reason for most everyone I know to look down on me.

Yesterday I had a talk with my wife. Tried to get her to admit to having hurt me, but she is so cold and stone-faced… it was just a waste of time. I can’t afford a divorce, and I don’t want to leave my kids. I have pretty much nothing.

She has assassinated my character and I am isolated. Pastors, elders, and counselors don’t see through her partial truths. We have been to at least four churches that made things immensely worse. Stereotypes and cultural values were all they really had, even when they referred to scripture.

I feel selfish to say that I need true, loyal love. Real compassion and empathy. Someone who doesn’t see my faults/failures as a reasonable excuse for contempt and vindictiveness. Someone who will watch my back when I’m standing for my boundaries that might not be popular.

I still love God and His Word. I still will not give up on His truth. He will be faithful. Oh God… please help. Please don’t wait. I’m breaking apart in my soul. I’m beside myself in every way. Please, please, help soon!

Oct.2016

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7 thoughts on “Falling Apart — Need Prayer

  1. Prairie Girl says:

    I said a prayer that all things will work out in the end and that you feel peace in the meantime. God bless you .

    Like

  2. Cassandra says:

    Please know you are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am praying, Christian brother. My heart goes out to you. I have been there, my husband has been there. Please don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I was afraid I had hurt you and you wouldn’t be visiting here anymore. Welcome back. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m so sorry you thought that. No, I unfollowed everyone. Also hid my blog for a time. My memoir is driving me bonkers. I was spending so much time on reading and commenting on blogs, that’s why I took such a drastic measure. It did help kick my writing into high gear for a time. But now, stuck again.

        Well, if it is God’s will, I shall write and publish my memoir. If not, I don’t want to do it if it’s not His will.

        I am sorry for being so selfish that I didn’t explain why I vanished. I had over 100 blogs I was following at the time, but still, no excuse. I should have told people. I did put the explanation onto my gravatar but obviously a lot of people didn’t see that. Now, I am only following a few.

        Liked by 1 person

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