Thinking and Driving


2017-05-20 by Object of Contempt

Friends don’t let friends drive “thunk”!

Yes, I was a “thunk driver”. I was thinking to the point of distraction while driving. Distracted driving is quite dangerous, and not so hard to avoid for most people. They can put their distracting items in the glove box or the trunk. For those who are dealing with PTSD, severe depression, even A.D.D., distractions are not so easily dodged. An innocuous trigger can become a distraction, and a distraction can become a mild dissociative episode in a heartbeat. I want to write this post to remind those who struggle with PTSD to drive carefully and safely.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, lawyer, pastor, counsellor, elder, psychologist, psychiatrist, or genius. I’m not even free of my abuser yet. I’m not always wrong, and I’m not always right. I’m just sharing my opinions. I sincerely hope they are helpful.

I was lucky. I was distracted, but instead of a traffic accident, I managed to pull myself back to reality and ended up with a few thoughts for blog posts. Dealing with the complete isolation and being surrounded by flying monkeys has shut me down to the point where I rarely write, and get lots of emotional flashbacks. I’m still living with my covertly abusive wife, and the fridgidity of daily life is inescapable. This isn’t new news to those who follow this blog. The point in saying this is just to set the stage for my thoughts, and show how easily this progresses in my mind.

So… there I was on a busy street in the middle of town. A love song came on the radio and I began to feel angry about being deprived of love by my parents and my wife. My mind progressed as usual to how disingenuously they pretended to love and string me along. That makes me truly angry beyond words.

When I recovered my grasp on the here and now I was sitting in a parking lot. I felt weary and strained in my spirit, craving peace and real love. I’d been punched in the gut… again. And, my abusers didn’t have to lift a finger. In their eyes a collision would’ve counted for poetic justice.

Whatever motivates you to keep your mind on the road… avoiding injury, expense, or depriving your abuser of an opportunity to sneer at you… please join me. Take the time to focus your mind, and refocus, when you drive.


7 thoughts on “Thinking and Driving

  1. Aura Gael says:

    Whew! Glad you’re safe. I get lost in thought a lot behind the wheel. One thing I do though is think out loud. So the sound of my voice keeps me aware and ‘awake’ so to speak. (I don’t mean awake in the literal sense though, I’ve never (knock wood) have fallen asleep behind the wheel.)

    I suppose alert is more accurate. This may also not work for everyone either nor will everyone feel comfortable with it. But now a days you don’t look so nuts given cell phones. To other people it just looks like you’re talking on a speaker phone.

    Anyway, I hope you are able to get out of that horror of a marriage someday soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aura,

      Nice to hear from you. 🙂

      I don’t think thinking aloud would do it for me. The thing I need to do is focus my thoughts on topics that are outside myself. I frequently listen to talk on the radio for that purpose. It doesn’t matter if I like or agree with what they say, as long as it isn’t about something that will trigger me. Music triggers me much more easily. Silence is even worse. It’s like an invitation for the automatic “tapes” to run in my head.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for posting comments on my blog today. Now that I am following blogs again, I was trying to remember your blog’s name so I could refollow you, but.. duh…. couldn’t think of it.

    Driving thunk…. good one. Yep, guilty..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So sorry for not getting back to you on the email. I cannot access my gmail account. It used to be right here, bookmarked, on this device. Now, nada.

    There is so much going on right now. The pastor of the church we have been attending for years called my stepdaughter a couple of days before Fathers Day and, while talking all fast and manic like, told her he needed her to buy him a gun without a safety, buy it in her name on her job at the nearby Air Force base where she works at the military clothing store, and give the gun to him “as a gift”, and he will pay her for the it, plus give her some “extra for her trouble” — he said he can’t buy a gun himself because someone has been using his ID…. he also wanted her to buy him a restricted military camo type uniform and a restricted camo type backpack, and when she told him that she can’t do that because these items are restricted for the military, he said “Well when your boss isn’t there and you are in the store all by yourself, can’t you buy them for me then?”…..

    So after my stepdaughter told her dad and me what the pastor of our church wanted her to do, which would be a crime, a Federal Felony, committed on a Federal military base where she works, then my husband ran a background check on our pastor and discovered 5 criminal arrests in California, which is where he lived before moving here in 2010…… since then, the drama, heartache, sorrow, anger, and all-around What the H??????? feelings, have pretty much taken over our lives…. and so, when you posted that comment on my blog about sending me an email and I said, ok, thanks, I will look for it…. before I had a chance to do that, my head was all focused on my upset stepdaughter and my angry husband and my own inner turmoil…. so I did not try to log into my gmail account to read your email until this morning, when my brain started functioning again, only to discover that the tablet device I mainly use, suddenly won’t let me sign in!

    Whew. How is that for a run-on sentence?? Oh, and to top it all off, I got sick a few days ago, sinus, chest cold, fever, getting physically ill has historically been my body’s reaction to extreme stress, and our pastor doing all of this is very stressful to me…. I feel much better physically this morning, fever is gone, so now I am thinking more clearly. Also, my husband had an eye hemorrhage on the same day that his daughter, who lives with us, told us about the pastor’s crazy call the night before, and we had to get him to the dr for tests. Apparently he had a blood pressure spike, and after the 3 heart attacks he has had, serious yikes. So I have been trying to keep him calm and safe, while comforting his daughter every day, because she had loved going to that church, she had been going with us since she moved here 2 years ago, she had gotten close to the people, especially to the pastor’s wife, she was doing work for the church, cooking breakfast there, etc., she felt like they had become her extended family, and now the pastor does this! Plus he unfriended her on Facebook and unfriended my husband also, before they even had a chance to tell him off in any way, she had simply told him “I… uhm…. I have to check with my boss and get back to you” because she was too shocked, especially being just woken up, by his crazy call. So when my husband had the eye hemorrhage, I was trying to get him in to see his doctor, and my husband’s phone rang while he was asleep and I saw it was the pastor calling. So I answered, told him about my husband’s hemorrhage, and then told him how upset we all were by his request of our daughter. And since I am not on Facebook, he could not retaliate by unfriending me, so he unfriended my husband and stepdaughter! And this is a pastor that I had grown to love like a younger brother!!!!

    So this is why I haven’t replied to your email yet. My heart is broken. We have lost our pastor and our church family, because we cannot go back there! Oh dear Lord Jesus….


    • Lynda Lee,
      … WOW! That is huge!
      That is a dangerous situation layered on top of an enormous betrayal of trust! And the betrayal would hurt even if it didn’t mean losing the church family.

      You don’t have to apologize for slow responses. Stuff happens. I’m frequently pretty lousy about timely responses myself.

      All in all, I’m very glad this man’s real character has come to light. It is even worse to trust such a man than it is to face the pain of betrayal head on. Hold on tight to the truth, and wait for the ride to come to a full and complete stop .

      What was the issue with your husband’s eye? I’ve had hemorrhages in my eye before, and the doctors told me it was nothing. Mine were just under the skin of the eye, rather than inside the eyeball. They went away by themselves. Always have wondered what is the root cause, but no one seems to know (or really want to figure it out).

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much, dear friend, for validating my feelings. After a childhood and former marriage to narcissistic abusers who liked to tell me that I was “too sensitive” in my reaction to their abuses, even now, whenever I get upset, I wonder if I am “over reacting.” (I know that you know exactly what I mean.)

        Yes, I agree, it is much better to know, than not know, what kind of a man this minister really is. Lately he has been talking about Armageddon a lot, and it seems that he thinks we are supposed to arm ourselves with weapons of deadly force and personally fight the war ourselves, rather than arm ourselves with the sword of the spirit, shield of faith and the gospel of peace, and trust in God and love our enemies, the way the early church did when they were faced with far more persecution than this generation has yet to see.

        I also know that this pastor feels like he is “under satanic attack” because child protection has investigated them twice in the past few months, and now the IRS is auditing his past 7 years of taxes. I hope he isn’t going off the deep end over all of that!

        I keep wanting to write a blog post about this situation, without naming any names. But so far, I can’t seem to get my thoughts together enough to write it.

        My husband’s eye doctor told him pretty much the same thing that you were told. He said it was harmless, because it was not inside the eye. The emergency room nurse told him when he called the day it happened, that a blood pressure spike could cause an eye hemorrhage. That worried me, because my husband has had 3 heart attacks. But the good news is that it has been about 15 years since his last attack, and for the past several years, his cardio test results were so excellent, the cardiologist said his heart has healed to where it looks like he never had any heart attacks. So I really should stop worrying! My husband is my best friend ever and my favorite person on the planet, and I just don’t want to lose him. We have been together since 2003, we were in our 50s when we met.

        Oh, I finally got into my gmail account, read your email, and replied. So today hasn’t been a total loss, I accomplished that one thing, lol.

        Liked by 1 person

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